There's gotta be a catch.- Brewster's Millions (1985)

I will try to give an unbiased, clear account of our time Colombo and hopefully give no clues to you, the reader, that I hated it, bloody hated it.

Ooppps - failed already. I'll start from the start.

Colombo Sunset

We landed to Colombo and everything went okay. Flight landed, collected bags, even got a free visa - woohoo! We got a taxi to our guesthouse and that's where things started to go awry. A very nice driver, he seemed so anxious that we enjoy our time in Sri Lanka. So much so that he insisted that if we wanted anything, ANYTHING, to ask him. How nice you say? Indeed. Travel advice, accommodation, even much coveted tickets to the Cricket World Cup quarter final (his sister worked in the ticket office). Anything we wanted he would provide. For free even.  What a friendly people you say? Indeed.

The next day we wake bright and early with one thing in mind. Our Chinese Visa. We didn't want to process our much needed visa for China in India as apparently it's one of the worst places to do so (according to people on the Internet and they can't be wrong). So our plan was to process our visa in Colombo, go to the hills for a few days, back to Colombo to collect it and head to the beaches. Not to be. We missed the visa processing time so we had to wait till the next day. Perfect opportunity to do some sightseeing in Colombo.

We walked around, camera in hand, looking like typical tourists only begging to be ripped off. While taking pics of a glorious sunset, we were approached by a man us asking were we going to the festival. We said we didn't know of any festival and he went on to tell us that today was a special day, that a holy temple that only opens one day a year was open today and it was so special that he had been given the evening off work to see it. We should not miss it. We said we might go but we wanted to take photos of the sunset first. He got very insistent and left in a huff. Peculiar... We then walked a few minutes and spotted a snake charmer. He asked if we wanted to take pictures holding the snakes and we figured a good photo opportunity. After the pics, he demanded 50 quid. Stunned, we managed to talk him down but still were annoyed as he had approached us not the other way around. What fools we were! Next minute another man approached us, telling us to hurry to see the elephant and the temple before it closes for the year. He was going home from work and would share his tuk tuk with us. Nice of him huh? We hopped in, eager to get away from the snake charmer rip offs.

Elephant for the Temple... Really?

Well out of the frying pan and into the fire, this guy was as bad. He brought us to the temple and was so overcome that we had decided to visit his country all the way from our own, that he had to, as his patriotic duty, show us around the temple. We began to get suspicious when he knew the dates and details of every pillar and post in the temple, but it was interesting and beautiful and there was a king elephant so we soon forgot our suspicions. At the end of the temple he asked did we want to go see where the elephants were kept at night. My love for all things elephant-like said yes without seeing the obvious scam. The waiting tuk tuk brought us to a local green area and there were 2 huge elephants camped out with their mamuts. We were brought over to feed and rub one - happiness! After our time with the elephants we told our patriotic friend that we would part ways with him. Only for him to insist, INSIST we go to see the gem expo that was, coincidence, today also. Smelling a rat (finally) we said no but he was insistent, and I like shiny things, so we went. Okay I'll admit it, I'm weak, I fell for the sales talk and I bought a necklace there. But it was pretty... No doubt Mr "on his way home from work" got a huge commission. So outside the gem shop we told him we were done and thanks for his kindness but he demanded to drive us home as his country wasn't safe at night. We (the suckers) agreed and once we got dropped off were hit with a 100euro bill for the last 90mins, 50 for the guide and 50 for the driver, even though we tried to let the driver go several times. Annoyed, angry and self conscious from the crowd who were gathered around us (drawn by the guides protestations) we threw the equivalent of 20E at them and stormed off.

Our first scam and thankfully we didn't get caught for too much. But between snake charmers, people on their way home from work, and tuk tuk drivers who were constantly doubling the price of things for us, we were sick of Colombo and it's rip offs. Time to get our visa done and get out of here. 

 We handed in our Visa and were told to come back in 5 days (but at the same time given the general impression that we may or may not be given said visa - Que anxious feeling that Alan was going to kill us for his solitary trip to China).

We ate lunch in a posh hotel that had stunning views over the harbour and spent an enjoyable few hours looking out at the ships and tankers coming in to the busy port. That is, until we realised we were the only ones who were enjoying the view. Everyone else was standing around a small television, glued to the screen. The Japanese earthquake and devastating tsunami had hit. This would be awful enough on its own if it wasn't for the fear factor it brought with it to the Sri Lankan people. The 2004 tsunami that hit Thailand so badly and hit 3 coasts of Sri Lanka and killed so many people. This new tsunami brought with it a lot of fear.We were advised to get to higher ground.

Train to Kandy, Stunning!

So we did. With a very enjoyable train ride to Kandy, Sri Lankas hill station. We got to our guesthouse, a lovely house up in the hills surrounded with green. Green trees, green grass, green bushes. It was like our eyes remembered we were Irish all over again. And our guesthouse did have one more thing in abundance - monkeys! They were everywhere, in the trees, on the roads, sitting on fences, on top of cars and in one situation being chased out of a house by a woman with a sweeping brush (monkeys are desperate thieves and are not welcome in peoples houses).

We spend a few days in Kandy and even though it appears to have lots to do up there, it didn't. The town was dull, the people didn't speak much English and although there were lots of sights and things to do around Kandy, no one could tell us how to get there to do them. We spent a lot of time online watching the horrors of the Fukishima nuclear power plant unfold.

Temple of the Sacred Tooth

But there was one nice attraction that we enjoyed seeing in Kandy, a monastery that houses a tooth from Buddha himself. It would seem that on his funeral pyre a monk reached in and pulled out his incisor tooth and brought it to Sri Lanka to be worshipped. And judging by the crowds of pilgrims that surrounded the temple every day it's quite the tourist trap! Apart from the tooth, the most interesting artifact there was a stuffed elephant. Not a furry toy, Raja the royal elephant whose job it was to carry the tooth of Buddha on pilgrimages, became a national treasure and after his death was preserved with the art of taxidermy to be displayed for ever. Yes it was creepy.

So back to Colombo we went to get our visas (approved!) and catch the evening train to our next stop on our tour of Sri Lanka. Mirissa beach.

Elaine (16th of March 2011)

There's a dead body in my bed and it smells like shit and it looks even worse. - Four Rooms (1995)

At this point I'm sure you're all familiar with our train journeys which include a delayed train, draughty, grotty carriage awoken by numerous locals at an unreasonable hour (well one of us at least) before arriving at our desired location.

Chinese Fishing Nets

And here we are, Kerala! (God's Own Country, if the locals are to be believed) I was hoping for a little more, but being underwhelmed seems to be the theme. Much like Goa this part of India seems to have a touch more of a European feel to it while the mid forty degree temperatures are quick to remind you that it is still very much Indian. Initially we planned to spend much longer here but thanks to the beach in Palolem we could only manage a few days, although I think it was all that was needed.

On our first day we took a brief walk around Fort Cochin, (brief as the heat was intense) to the shore to see the Chinese fishing nets that Kerala is famous for. While taking photos one of the fishermen called us out onto the fishing rig and gave us some information on them (apparently they're Portuguese) and allowed us to help raise the nets and get some photos before charging us for the privilege, nice chap! Other than that we took in some of the local shops and ate some fresh seafood before our excursion the following day.

Heave, Ho.....

The bus will be here at 8:30am! Imagine our surprise as we sat down to breakfast we were informed at 8am that the bus was here for us but not to worry as it will wait. Now imagine our further surprise when 20mins later we exit the guesthouse to find a bus full of people waiting for us with unimpressed expressions..... Good start I thought!

Kids having a swim in the backwaters

Today we are heading out to see the backwaters, a network of waterways that are integral to the Kerala economy, we also heard they were quite pretty so off we went to check them out. These peaceful channels were busy with local rafts paddling about while people worked the lakes that had formed and the coconut groves that lined its banks. How cool is it to find out that coconuts are used as not only a food and drink source but it's husk makes rope and it's inner shell is used for coconut oil production? Not very I know but what about coconut trees producing an alcoholic drink that does not need fermenting on a daily basis? Very and it's called toddy, that fact alone made the whole trip worth while. But on a serious note  we were impressed with the work done around the backwaters where everything produced is used locally and nothing goes to waste. Tourism too is a big draw, so seeing such a green environment being kept as such will benefit them long into the future. A breath of fresh air in comparison to the "tomorrow never comes" attitude of much of India

Backwater Taxi Service

After some lazy days in Kerala we had to make tracks to Trivanthirum down south to catch our flight to Colombo. The train journey was short, only 5 or 6 hours that were filled by chasing a cockroach away from behind my tray onto the seat in front only for him to consistently reappear from another direction (how we have changed - 7 months ago I would have asked to change train). We had no idea what to expect of TRV but we didn't expect a lot and that was what it delivered! We had 2 nights here to help break up the train and flight times so we booked into the first place we found in our Lonely Planet guide which also happened to be the cheapest, that should have been enough warning.

Welcome to Hell

If you picture the place from the movie Hostel and think of the most brutal character in it, even they wouldn't have stayed in this place. From a swarm of mosquitoes to crawling bed sheets to graffiti on the wall saying "it's not too late to check out now" we shut our  eyes and prayed that morning would arrive soon. Once it did we got the hell out of there and booked into a rather plush hotel and enjoyed our comfort until our flight. 

Patrick (9th of March 2011)

I couldn't take much more of those coconuts. Coconut milk is a natural laxative. That's something Gilligan never told us. - Cast Away (2000)

The blue waters, the white sand, the green palm trees

Panaji at dusk

You know the photographs you see of tropical beaches, the blue waters, the white sand, the green palm trees? Well we are there. Palolem, Goa and it is idyllic. On the advice of our good friend Gora we have decided to stop off in Palolem for 5 days on our way down to the tip of India before we fly out to Sri Lanka. We end up staying for almost two weeks.

The "wedding cake" church

After flying into Goa we stay in the old Portuguese colony of Panaji for two days to soak in old Goa. It's lovely and peaceful but if we knew what was only 2 hours up the road we would have hightailed it out of there. But saying that they had a Domino's Pizza so we stayed 2 nights and got a bus to Palolem, hugging each other as the beach huts came into view. (mentally hugging, as I was shunned to the back of the bus, away from the women's section - Patrick)


Palolem is a small beach town with disposable bamboo shacks lining the main road. I say disposable as they are dismantled every year before the rains come and rebuilt when the season starts up again. There is a main strip on the road with shops selling jewellery, pashminas and very modest women's swimwear (birkhini anyone) and another strip down the beach with restaurants and bars. Most places shut after midnight but by then you're usually pretty wrecked from a long day lying on your sun lounger or walking the 2 mins to the beach. It's a hard knock life!
We settled into beach life pretty quickly. Up and out to the beach most days, alternating tanning one day and being burnt the next, happy hour mojitos as the sun goes down, watching new cinema releases on the big screen in outdoor restaurants (mental note: do not watch 127hrs while eating a steak), drinks in the bars chatting to the lovely Nepali staff and falling into bed that night to start all over again then next day. Somehow we took to the route like pros...

Patrick feigning interest, Elaine thinks she sees a bed

But we did have the odd day of productivity. The odd day... We did a cooking lesson in the fantastic Spicy Bella restaurant. Patrick learned to cook a peshwari chicken kebab, fried noodles and I did a palak paneer and nan bread. It was an interesting class with delicious food and a great set up that would have been completely appreciated if the two of us weren't dying a thousand deaths from an impromptu pub crawl the night before. There we were, (in the horrors) in a hot steamy kitchen surrounded by food smells and the two of us sweating out every drop of drink in us. But it was a good lesson, and we learned loads, but when the food was put in front of us to eat we just wanted to go home and die! 


We were fortunately revived out of our lackadaisical attitude with the arrival of Gora and Shona who were coming to Palolem for a week from Kolkata. Their arrival coincided with the arrival of some killer waves on the beach. Not your average wave that occasionally catches you off guard and tosses your hair, no these bad boys pounded on you, trounced you and all you could do was hold on to your bikini bottoms for dear life. Fun!

Gora and Shona

During the time we were in Palolem a huge, worldwide event was taking place. A sporting event. Doesn't ring any bells you say? That's because it was cricket. Held between Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and India from February to April cricket world cup was a huge affair encompassing the other half of the world (ie not us). Cities shut down and traffic was at a standstill while in bars and restaurants big screens were set up so the staff and clientele could watch the 3hr+ games. (For the western beach goer it was a godsend as it meant there wasn't the usual influx of Indian men walking up and down the beach to gawk at our "wares".) Every day we'd come off the beach and feign interest with the bar staff while secretly wondering was a wicket was. That was until one particular match. On the 3rd of March underdogs (and generally crap at cricket) Ireland beat favourite to win England by 3 wickets. Shona, Gora, Patrick and I were in a frenzy, receiving texts from Indian friends with updates and the bar staff phoning around other bars to get us up to the minute results we were given the final score. The beach was in an uproar, strangers were coming up to us on the beach and congratulating us. All of a sudden people who couldn't point Ireland out on a map were saying "Ireland? Ah yes, beat England - good game!" It was bizarre but we got in on the buzz, learned what a wicket was and became fans . In the spirit of full disclosure I must add - we bought cricket jerseys.

The Indian Hoff...??

The days all rolled together into one mojito fuelled haze and before we knew it, it was time to leave and go to Kerala. Our last day was quite memorable as we had planned on being our usual beach bum selves but when we got to the beach we saw all the beds were gone. Asking around we learned that the police were coming for a "surprise" inspection and any bar without permits had to hide their beds to avoid a fine. There was not one bed on the beach. At loss of what to do, we hired a boat and went off in search of dolphins. We didn't see much but the price of the boat hire was worth it for our fisherman alone. He was a howl. He started the motor and I don't know, maybe he thought we wouldn't like the sound of the outboard, but he sang for a good 20 minutes, his own jazzed up version of Mary Had A Little Lamb. His English was a little eccentric and when we did (briefly) see a dolphin he said proudly "look at him, he is so happy that he is standing up!". His happiness was infectious and it was impossible not to be influenced by it. We returned to the shore with another rendition of the nursery rhyme, with the happy man waving his hat in the air at every high note.

We have our last meal in Palolem on the beach and we head for the train station with 15hrs on a train ahead of us and 'Mary Had A Little Lamb' stuck in our heads.


Elaine (4th of March 2011)